Didn’t hit the gym today.  I have a nasty head cold.  I’m planning on going tomorrow, but we’ll see.  I’ve got a rough couple of weeks with finals, and I KNOW that I need to work in the gym.  Again, I’m celebrating the fact that my eating has been AWESOME the past two days - today I didn’t even eat 1350 calories on plan!  I did end up eating some goldfish to give me the 1500 that I’m supposed to eat.  I didn’t go over my carb allowance, so I figured it was okay…

Here’s me for today!  I’m going for good day #3!

Breakfast: Special K, 1 cup skim milk, 1 orange

Snack: 15 almonds, 1 mini box of raisins

Lunch: Whole wheat spaghetti and turkey meatballs, 1 cup pasta sauce

Dinner: 2 Wasa crackers, 4 ounces roast beef, 2/3 cup of corn

Snack: 100 calorie pudding cup, 1 tbsp chocolate chips, 140 calories of goldfish

Swim on buddies!

So, here was my eating for today.  I’m really proud of my willpower today. We’ll see how tomorrow goes, but it was enough food.  It’s weird to me to eat larger portions of protein, but I hope that I’ll get used to it.  This is much more manageable than the South Beach Diet, so I feel like I’m going to be able to stick with it.  I’m not feeling sick or too deprived.

Breakfast: 1 and 1/3 cups of Special K, 1 cup skim milk, 1 orange

Snack: 15 almonds, 1 mini box of raisins

Lunch: .4 ounces roast beef, 2 wasa multigrain crackers, 2/3 cup sweet corn

Dinner: 4 turkey (biggest loser recipe) meatballs, 1 cup spaghetti sauce, 1/2 cup whole wheat spaghetti

Dessert/Snack: 100 calorie pudding pack, 20 baby carrots

Maybe if I need it later: 25 calorie hot chocolate.

I’ve drunk 1/2 liter of water + 2 16-0unce glasses + 1 16 ounce glass of seltzer, and 1 20 ounce bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper - which is a huge decrease in caffeine for me.  I’m usually drinking three or four times that much.

Anyhoo.  I was surprised to learn that I lost weight over Thanksgiving.  I’m not really sure how, but I guess that I didn’t eat any huge meals other than Thanksgiving.  I was pretty well-behaved the rest of the time.  Feeling positive this week, and ready to get to it!

I’ve been doing A LOT of thinking, and I’m going to be doing the Biggest Loser plan for the next few weeks.  I’m supposed to go to my Mom’s house next Sunday for dinner, and I think I am going to tell her that I am bringing my own food.  I don’t know how to do it without causing problems…any suggestions?  I’m just REALLY wanting to give this weight-loss thing a good go, and I don’t think that eating Mom’s chicken parm is the best way to do that (although her chicken parm is the BEST thing in the world).  I know that eventually I will have to be able to eat at other people’s houses/in restaurants without bringing my own food, but I also think that I need to be especially vigilant for the first few weeks.

Tonight, I made turkey meatballs, and packed lunch supplies for tomorrow.  I don’t get to eat that much food tomorrow, and that makes me a little nervous, just because I’ve been eating so much lately.  But it will be worth it if I can lose this weight!  I have been very inspired by the Biggest Loser this season, and I really think that if they can do it, I can do it too!

I’ve also been looking into a few different fitness goals:

1) Running a marathon - this starts with training to run a 5k.  I have been running a little, and plan to complete my first 5k in January, and then start training for the marathon.  Believe it or not, the 5k is a daunting task.  I have run them in the past and, in fact, ran around a 10 minute mile (this was about three years ago).  I think that I can do it, but I really have to stick with the training schedule.

2) Becoming a personal trainer - this is a weird one, right?  Here’s the thing.  I read a lot about exercise, what to do and what not to do, but I think that it would be great to come at it from a real scientific perspective, and figure out what’s going to work for me.  Not to mention the fact that if I figure out what works for me, perhaps I can share this information with others.  It will take some work and some cash, but I think it might really be worth it (and maybe I can make some cash on the side for school!).

So, those are my thoughts for this evening.  Just trying to start over.  Just want to get there.  I am waiting to start a lot of things until after I lose weight…so I’d better get to it.  I’m ready to start living!!

This afternoon, I had a lot of excuses: excuses that normally would have kept me from going to the gym.  But, today, I pushed through my excuses and just went.  I got out of work two hours later than expected, and had someone yelling at me (always a pleasure).  When I got to the gym, I realized that I’d left my I-pod in the office (and I wanted to run with it).  I have a TON of work to do tonight and a very busy week ahead.  But I drove to the gym and just went.  I didn’t really give myself an out.  I planned to go and I did it.  I’m really pleased!

Today I walked 5 minutes warm up and cool down and then alternated 60 seconds of running with 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes.  My running was steady but good.  I am going to keep going until it feels really good.  I feel like I’m gaining control of things again.  I have these visions of myself as a size ten (at my lowest weight in recent memory), and I really want to get back there.  I won’t even let people take pictures of me because I just hate how I look (ugh, and I have to get a new driver’s license photo on Wednesday).  Sorry, I am on a tangent.  I’ll weigh in this week, for better or worse.  I fell off the wagon with my “very bad day” last week, but I’m not letting it get me totally down.

Food for today:

Breakfast: Cocoa Krispies with Milk

Lunch: Yoplait Light Yogurt, 100 calorie pack of goldfish, box of raisins

Dinner: WW Baked Ziti, 2 sourdough rolls with 2 tbsp light margerine, 1 large apple

Snack: 1 regular cupcake with frosting, 1 cup of skim milk (Okay, I guess that I made an excuse to eat this.  I didn’t have a big lunch, and they were fresh out of the oven…)

Maybe the scale will surprise me tomorrow?  All I can think is that tomorrow can’t possibly be any worse than today was.  Seriously.

Food Log

So, I met one of my friends at the gym who is recovering from a knee injury, and she has been lifting weights, so she took me through her upper body circuit, which was challenging, but good.  So look at that, I went to the gym thinking I would do 30 minutes of cardio, and ended up doing 30 minutes cardio plus an hour of resistance training.  Crazy!

Food today was so-so.  I have a lot of junk in the house from the weekend, but I went to Target, and intend to get my week off to a healthier start than last week.

So, tomorrow, I am doing some cardio on the elliptical.  On Tuesday, my friend is going back to the gym with me, and I’ll do a shorter time on the elliptical and then do a legs/abs circuit.  Wednesday, I run again.  Thursday will be a shorter elliptical day and the upper body circuit again.  Friday I’ll run for the third time this week.  Saturday is my DAY OFF (although I might go to kickboxing if the mood strikes me).

I’m in such good spirits because the running went so well today.  It feels good to move my body and to be in control of it.  I need to get my Ipod working, though!  I love to run with it on.  Here is my kick-ass running playlist:

Just Like Heaven - the Cure

What you Waiting for? - Gwen Stefani

Everlong - Foo Fighters

Every Little Thing She Does is Magic - The Police

Maniac - Michael Sembello

Uptight - Stevie Wonder

Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson

New York, New York - Frank Sinatra

So, I received a comment on this site, I won’t go into from whom, but we’ll just say that it made me feel particularly terrible about myself.  I have a history of getting caught up in what other people think.  I am afraid to try things because other people don’t believe that I can do them.  I’m afraid to try things because I worry that if I fail (it’s more often phrased as when I fail), people will say mean things about me.

But the truth of the matter is that I’m the only one who can decide whether I fail or succeed.  No one else is responsible for me or my motivation or my success; therefore, it really shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks because they’re not here doing things, succeeding or failing.  At the end of the day, I’m the one who puts food in my mouth.  I’m the one who sits on the couch instead of exercising.  I’m the one who stays in bed instead of getting up to go to the gym.  And I’m the only one who can change the course of events.

Sure, others’ opinions are important.  Words of support are important.  But, at the end of the day, someone’s opinion is just that: an opinion.  Opinions aren’t truth, and they certainly aren’t reality.

I’ve had crap eating days for the past three days.  I was ready to throw it all in.  I was ready to just stop trying.  But I’ve lost seven (reported) pounds.  That’s a lot of weight for me.  I’ve been trying for months, so to actually lose is a HUGE deal.  I’ve started going to the gym, and it’s not as much as I need to do, but it’s more than I have done, which is also a big deal.  I’ve been eating a lot less, which is half the battle.  That alone is enough to lose weight.  Just eating less than I have been.

So, I am not going to let anyone else get me down.  I believe in myself, and that is what is important.  I have gym days scheduled every day this week.  I am going to try to start running; three days this week.  I’m going to get ready, and I’m going to run a 5k in January.  And I’m going to run a marathon next October.  I can do it.  I’m setting my mind to it, and I can.  As my math enthusiast/bad ass m.c. friend says, “don’t let the haters stop you from doing your thang.”

Today, I was at school at 9:00, and didn’t end up getting a break until 7:00, at which point I came home, ate dinner, and went to a friend’s Halloween party.  Here is the issue: I am falling back on old habits of not making time for the gym.  I need to make the gym a CARVED OUT time during my day when I have to go.  It needs to be like going to a class - something that I would not miss unless I were out of town.  I was seeing really good weight loss the past two weeks, and I don’t think I’ve gained any this week, but neither have I done anything to get the weight down…

My friend wants us measured for bridesmaid dresses at Thanksgiving, which sucks because if I keep losing, they are literally going to have to remake the dress.  I mean, I wouldn’t mind that at all, but is it really necessary to order a dress in November for a wedding in June?  That also means that I will have to put down a deposit in November (groan).  Sorry, this is me complaining.  I’m exhausted again, and I need to do work, but I don’t want to.  I just want to take the kitty and curl up in bed and sleep until next Monday.  I know that part of my fatigue is probably attributable to not working out, so clearly, I need to get on that.

Oh, and did I mention that there’s no time for the gym tomorrow except super early (not likely - I like to sleep too much) or at 8:30 at night (also not likely as Gray’s Anatomy will be on and we always have a party at our house).  And there I go not making time again….

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I have absolutely no excuse for not working out.  I will go by hook or by crook.  It must happen.  This is important to me.

Here’s food for today, because I feel the need to report it:

Breakfast: Slimfast shake

Midmorning: Twix bar and cookie (from the office!)

Lunch: WW Ziti Marinara and FOUR French rolls (I suspect that these are a trigger food and will not be bringing them into the house any time soon….) and butter

Dinner: LC Pizza, candy corn

Party food: Chips and queso (not too much), regular sized piece of layer cake, 1.5 margaritas (not v. much for me!!)

We also did a lot of running around.  My friends are big proponents of the subway, so we walked nearly everywhere that we went, which was great.  On Saturday, we went to see a college friend who lives up in Harlem, and walked from Fredrick Douglass Boulevard up a HUGE flight of stairs to get to Broadway.  I was a total sopping mess by the time that we got to my friend’s apartment.  Another bonus of losing weight: perhaps I won’t be such a sweatball!!

I also did a LOT of drinking.  The one night, it was fun, but the other nights, I wasn’t that into it.  When you know/pay attention (I guess i always knew) how many calories are in things, it kind of takes the fun out of ingesting them.

I decided when I got home that I wanted to run a marathon in the next year.  It’s slightly crazy, since I don’t think I like to run.  But I WANT to like to run.  Plus, I feel like now that I’m back to eating better and working out, it won’t be as much as a struggle.  I am pretty sure that I am going to LOVE the results too…

So, I had some MAJOR motivation issues today.  Here it is, nearly 12, and I haven’t even started any of the work that I have due tomorrow.  Plus, I’m hungry, and I know I’ll be up late, so that doesn’t really help.  I just don’t feel like doing much of anything.  I’m a little obsessive over the weight-loss thing, and now I’ve been reading marathon web pages all day.  I just feel like I am kind of a boring person, and I need a hobby or something.  If it’s not the marathon, then maybe I could train to be a fitness instructor.  Whatever will help me lose weight, that’s what I want to do.

Okay, I’m going to get to work now so that I can’t use being tired as an excuse not to go to the gym tomorrow.  See what I did there?  That’s me being accountable to myself.  REMARKABLE.

So, here’s me for today:

Breakfast: yoplait light yogurt and 2 low fat graham crackers

Lunch: Peanut butter and jelly (2 tbsp pb, 1 tbsp jelly on 2 slices nature’s own honey wheat), 100 calorie bag of popcorn

Snack: 7 Riesen candies (damn - these need to get out of my house!!!)

Dinner:  WW Ziti Marinara (6 points)

Snack: Hot Cocoa with mini marshmallows (120 calories)

I’m baking muffins for my roommate’s birthday tomorrow, and they smell good, and I need to eat one (just one) when they pop out of the oven.  I also worked out on the elliptical for an hour, even though I really didn’t feel like it.  I usually get to 20 minutes easily, and then want to stop around 30, but I’ve noticed that if I can push myself to 40 minutes, I can usually also push myself through to the end.

I’m off to the gym again tomorrow, for the last day this week, as the rest of the week, I’ll be in NYC . I can’t wait to go.  It’s going to be soooo much fun!